Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
