my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
