I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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