the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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