Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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