so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
