i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
