Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
