you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
