Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
