oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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