I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
