I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
