I can tuck mytits in my pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You are a genius and a whore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
