Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
