I need help removing her.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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