Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my being single is dangerous.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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