I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
