Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
