I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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