So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
