Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
