I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
