Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
