so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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