I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
