If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
