Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
