last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
