just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Slut skills are useful in every country.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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