You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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