this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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