im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
