Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
