I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
