remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
