i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
