He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it because I queefed?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
