Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was born a porn star she said
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
