i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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