Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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