What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
