On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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