when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
