amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
