another moral hangover. fuck.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
as a side note pls kill me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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