I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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