I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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