i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
