i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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