I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
