I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
